Do these earrings make me look fat?

Yesterday I was  feeling a bit optimistic after losing a few pounds, and I decided to take a detour to the ladies dept. while picking up a


digital camera for my boyfriend’s birthday.  I grabbed a pair of jeans.  Skinny jeans.

Pencil leg denims.

Practically tapered.

It was a ballsy move I would soon regret taking.

I made my way to the dressing room and shimmied , jumped and squeezed my way into them.  I can’t dance, but had I been on the dance floor, I would have had an audience.  It was a pretty impressive display of determination and moves, and – finally –  they were on.  I swear, the only sound for miles was that zipper closing.

I inhaled deeply, slowly, almost labored and turned around to face myself in the mirror.  My mouth dropped slightly as I stared,  transfixed in horror, at the reflection there in front of me.  My thighs seemed magnified by the fluorescent lighting, my butt was ginormous, and all of the good feelings I had about losing weight or even being alive whimpered away with my self respectThis ancient sculpture captures my revulsion perfectly.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Whoever invented “skinny” jeans was clearly a jerk, a sadist or both.

It’s amazing that something as silly a pair of pants can have such a large affect on how we feel about ourselves.  I always say, “I’m not going to obsess about weight or be concerned about something that is just a number.”  Yet, the powers that be in the fashion world make that a very difficult statement to abide by.  Jeans destroyed my day.  A busted zipper can destroy my week. And a bikini can destroy an entire year.  Bravo clothes!  Don’t we wear them to hide our shame?  Not to shame us.

Which is I guess why I like jewelry.  It never makes our butt look big.  The latest jewelry trends don’t highlight our flaws, they sparkle and shine and just sit there accenting whatever it is we’ve chosen to wear that day.  I’ve never had my day ruined by a bracelet.  I’ve never looked around at others as I’m selecting a new accessory wondering, “Are they all looking at me thinking, ‘She’d better not try that…look at her ear lobes!'”

Fashion is fun, but selective.  Even if you’re a size 2….there’s no permanent glory.  There will be a garment that will make you look like a goober, and I would prefer to avoid that.

Instead of dressing with the trends, I wear what I am comfortable with.  I like vintage clothes, plain t shirts, nice jeans.  If I want to be trendy, viola! A pair of chandelier earrings and a layered necklace will work beautifully.  So, if fashion has you down – turn to accessories.  They used to intimidate me, and now I love them.  Just pair what you like with what you like (shocking, I know….) and I promise you’ll never find yourself looking back at a reflection, flummoxed, at how one’s thighs could have grown so much in an afternoon.

One response to “Do these earrings make me look fat?

  1. I look AWFUL in those. Awful. Awful. Awful.

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